Not that long ago I had to face how most of my life choices had been based on my emotions. Either I was trying to escape emotions I didn’t want to feel or I created circumstances in the hope they would bring me the emotions that I did want to feel. We all know this inner dialogues: „If only I had this job I would be happy.“, „If only I had a great partner I would feel loved.“, „If only I was on the opposite side of the world I would feel free.“. I could continue the list but I am sure you get the point.
Some pretty harsh lessons over the years taught me that life is a constant battle as long as I am trying to live this way. When our feelings entirely depend on outside circumstances and validation from others it can be exhausting and everything seems completely out of our control. Or at least that’s how I experienced it. That’s why I was eager to learn more about my emotions and it has been a very interesting journey to say the least!
I started to have a look at what feelings I most tried to escape and why. The feelings I tried to escape the most were fear and anger. Somehow I really didn’t like these two sensations, I was pretty comfortable with sadness and grief by that time – not from the beginning though! – but fear and anger were still on my avoiding list. I told myself that beneath anger there is grief anyways so I might as well just go straight to that. Well, it turns out that I strongly miscalculated that one. Every feeling needs to be felt, there are no short cuts.
Now, let’s look at the why. Why do we not allow ourselves to feel certain emotions? Why do we give some parts of us permission to be seen and others not? It’s because we learned at some point in our lives that these emotions are not lovable and it’s more safe to pretend they are not a part of ourselves. We usually create these beliefs at a time in which our life indeed depends on others, so it is only natural that we adapt. Unfortunately, we often forget later in life that we can now chose our own rules where we get to invite all our emotions. And so we feel like something is missing. It’s true. Something is missing. All the parts we reject about ourselves. That’s exactly what’s missing!
The good news is they didn’t go away and they try to get our attention until we get it and integrate them.
I find anger more and more fascinating because I think it plays a huge role in our society. The challenge when it comes to anger is that there are two major imbalances in our world. One is coming from the masculine, the other one is from the feminine. The imbalanced masculine expresses anger in an aggressive and explosive manner with no consideration of how anyone around them may be affected by it. Whereas the imbalanced feminine suppresses anger because they don’t want to be too much and they were usually not given permission to feel anger in the first place. When I talk about masculine and feminine I refer to the energies and not gender. We both have masculine and feminine within ourselves and each one of us is dominant in one of them indifferent of our gender. However, we must also take into consideration that we have strong societal programming that is gender based which is why we see more men than women being aggressive and more women than men suppressing the anger. That suppression causes internal conflicts and can even lead to physical illness.
I know what I’m talking about, my suppressed anger manifested in liver/gallbladder issues. The body always helps us to wake up!
Over the past year I started working with the wonderful technique called EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) also known as tapping. It’s a very simple tool that helps regulating emotions. It can actually do even more such as transforming beliefs and helping manifesting our dreams. You tap your acupressure points and say different affirmations. If you don’t know it you can google it, there is a ton of information and videos out there. Or you can look up Brad Yates or Jennifer Patridge on YouTube and tap with them. I can only recommend them! This technique is incredibly powerful and can create immediate internal shifts. I have found great healing for my emotions and I even applied it for clients who also had powerful experiences.
I realized that in order to have more of the emotions I really want for my life I need to address and heal the ones I have been neglecting so much. Because here is the thing, there is nothing wrong with wanting certain emotions more than others. It’s good to know what you want. We have all of the emotions within ourselves anyways and we have the power to bring up the ones we want. Plus, emotions are vibration and according to the law of attraction the vibration that we send out into the world comes back to us. It is our birth right to experience this journey on high vibration!
However, we need to be mindful in order not to suppress any of the unwanted ones. Sometimes we just need to feel them for a few seconds or minutes until it releases and we can go back to a more wanted feeling.
The more I am working with my emotions – as always, I am work in progress! – the more I notice change happening on the outside. For example, I started to express my feelings and needs more to others because I know if I experience rejection or conflict I have the tools to deal with uncomfortable feelings until they are neutralized. Negative feelings don’t scare me anymore as much as they used to. Somehow this gives me a sense of empowerment and it makes me feel so much more safe within myself.
How about you? Are there emotions you don’t want to feel?
Sending you lots of love,